I can't hide it, I love Martha Stewart. I'm not even ashamed really. Maarfa's got great recipes that I will never end up cooking but think I will, her garden is transcendent, and her Halloween issue has me giddily flipping the pages searching for what her costume will be this year. Oh Martha, come over and have a slumber party at my house. We can stay up all night, mosaic our nails with fine china shards and knit some pashminas from all that extra cat fur flying around my house. The next morning we can sip homemade absinthe, plant 7000 black tulip bulbs in my backyard, and design a miniature animal barn for all the teacup pigs we're going to rescue.

No matter how much I love me some Maarfa, there is one section of her magazine that causes me to stop and really reconsider my life choices and that's her monthly calendar. However does she do it all?

Ever striving to approach the majesty of Martha, I humbly submit my own schedule for your eagle eyes. Here are the LA events I will be attending in the next few weeks, maybe I'll see you there, dearies.

Miss Havisham's February Appointments:

Los Angeles Art Book Fair February 12-14th

Come get your pretty book fix and support artists from near and far.

Break Bread Opening Night February 13th. Events through March 13th

There's a whole month of events at Think Tank Gallery from February 13th through March 13th which include culinary treats, sexy acrobats, and...a whole room made of cake by Banksy collaborator, Scott Hove. Cake, guys! They had me at cake.

John Waters-This Filthy World: Dirtier and Filthier, February 13th

The great and benevolent Prince of Puke will be orating at Luckman Fine Arts Center. I have my tickets, do you? I met John Waters when I was in college and it is one of the few times in my life I have felt star struck (the other being Eddie Izzard). I was so nervous and tongue tied I couldn't say a word, he just patted my arm and said, "I know sweetie. I know."

Queen Mary's My Vintage Valentine's Day February 14th

Go on, drive down and stay over. The ghosts want you to spend the night on the boat with them, they told me.

Idle Hour Valentine's drink pairing menu February 14th

Drive to the porn capital of LA, The Valley, and drink in a building shaped like a barrel. They're offering food and special drink pairings to make you forget where you are and who you're with.